The Finished Product Still Grinds

It’s another sunny, gorgeous day in Los Angeles today and as I sit here notebook in front of me, luke warm coffee steaming my screen, I realize how glad I am to be me and in LA, where I’m one step closer to where I want to be.

Last night I went to LA to see the Jimmy Kimmel show, and more specifically Mr. J.J. Abrams, who I am a huge fan of. Kimmel was cool to see in person (more attractive than I expected), but it was Abrams’ presence that made my heart thud. I’m enamored by successful people in my field who have broken through the B-list stage and are now on top. I remember when I used to watch Felicity every week in college, I’d see his name flash in the credits I was so familiar with. Being such a fan of the show, I bought the DVDs and watched the shows again, and with commentary. For the record, I’d like to just say that commentary is every aspiring film student’s best friend: all that insight into what went into that specific project. It’s magic, I swear. Abrams has paid his dues, indeed. I learned that the show had a fluctuating budget and had been threatened to be cut by the network a few times, causing conflict in how the show’s plot would play out. Besides loving the show, I gained a whole new respect for how Abrams and his crew handled all the tribulations. So it comes as no surprise to me that this fellow writer is now directing Mission Impossible and Star Trek movies. It was definitely inspiring to see where his journey has brought him, and made me think about my own journey.

I heard someone make a good point the other day: when do you stop trying to find yourself and just consider yourself IT, complete, the finished product. It made me think about constantly chasing something: a career goal, a finished script, being assertive. Will I ever be Abrams status, will someone ever want Kasia status? Of course. However, it doesn’t stop there. I don’t want myself on the I’ve-already-done-something-noteworthy bookshelf, only to become forgotten—just ask Avril Lavigne, the status will never remain. In LA, you can never be safe, the entertainment moves so fast and there will always be someone who wants it bad enough to do it, no matter what.

I thought about this before I went to bed (still full from Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles), and realized that as much as I want for myself, I am sometimes my own inhibitor, thinking too much instead of just doing. I spend too much time criticizing myself as a writer and human instead of just saying “screw it, what could possibly be so bad?” And then Abrams, and his story. LA makes you pay your dues before shooting you in the air with the other stars. No time for comforting those who merely try. But, you can always find the strongest doses of inspiration at every turn here.